A Cat's Dictionary

Cat Food: Something you bury if you can get away with it.

Cat Nip: An Aphrodisiac. A drug for cats that create a euphoric state, not as good as sex, but it will do.

Clawing: A dangerous game indeed to play and toil with your human owner's emotions.

Day Prowling: This is when you go out looking for lizards, snakes, and birds. It also the time you climb tress, walk on top of walls and fences, especially in front of dogs. Note: annoying dogs is fun. When a dog sees you they bark frantically, this causes their human owners get mad at them, yell at them, and hopefully beat them with a newspaper.

Dogs: The opposite of cats. An Animal that is not only your arch enemy but is loved, admired, and in demand by humans. You must make sure that your human owner never forgets you, so plot careful, but do not get caught, and get the damn dog in trouble all the time. This will insure the human owner comes and holds you and say things like: Bad DOG, good putty cat, and shit like that.

Hissing: A sound made coupled with hunching the back and hair standing straight up to ward off evil spirits.

Litter Box: A place you do your business in order to keep that damn human's place clean. Note: If you don't use this that human owner of yours will most likely kick your ass out of the house.

Mating: Finding the right mate and have a litter of kittens under your human owner's house.

Meowing: A Noise generated to keep humans on their toes and aware of your present.

Night Prowling: This is when you go out, stake out your territory, kick other cats asses, kill mice, rats, etc.

Playtime: This period when you see how many stupid things you can do and get into to annoy that human owner and they still thinks it's cute.

Purring: A noise you generate to humans to indicate your happiness or satisfaction.

The Offering: One of the most fun times you have with humans. You go out catch a snake or lizard, or mouse, bring it in the house (alive) and drop it in front of your human owner. As they panic, you kill it and leave it there for the human to clean up. The human is shocked, they think you are a good cat because you killed this horrible creature that was lurking in the yard or under the house or in the bushes or tress. These humans are stupid, they had no idea you went to some open field or building and brought this all the way home to their house.


lady di said...

This is one of your best. I have a cat picture I would like to send you. It is not offensive but you could make is so.

sharkguy said...


20 Reasons why Sharks are Better than Cats. So, so true.